Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
