I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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