The maid of honor just puked.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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