Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
