So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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