Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
