Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
