You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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