HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
