she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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