You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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