Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
