i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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