So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
