I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
