Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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