good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
