Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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