Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
