ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
