they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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