Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
