it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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