He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
