if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
