I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
be right there i have to get my cape
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My ass is underappreciated
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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