Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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