He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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