My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
