"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
