i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
