so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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