then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
