so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
