Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want nice things and good sex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
