know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
