I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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