This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
