Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
