The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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