i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
