I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
