This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
