So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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