are you so shy because you have an std?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
