things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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