bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
