I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
