dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
