Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
