I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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