that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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