if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
