idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
