we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
