five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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