wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
