i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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