once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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