all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
