Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
