sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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