just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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