my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
