Can Purell be used as lube?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
