I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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