Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize
