tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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